The Song Of My Heart
by vicki86
Summary: Tommy's left and Jude is trying to move on. She thinks she finds the perfect guy until everything falls apart. When a offer arrises Jude desides to make a choice that will change her life. Jommy fic... r&r please!
1. Chapter 1

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CHAPTER ONE

Jude sat down on the stool in the recording booth and waited for K-West to give her the sign to begin singing. Since Tommy left K-West took over as her producer, though that didn't help the fact that Jude didn't seem able to come up with any songs. It seemed when Tommy had left her, he had taken her ability to write music. However she had managed to write a song last night when Sadie had finally given up trying to make her talk about Tommy.

Jude looked through the glass and saw K-West sitting in the chair that Tommy usually occupied. He was talking to Sadie and she knew that they were talking about her. Sadie seemed really worried about her, and Jude was determined to not let her show how much Tommy leaving her had truly broken her heart.

Jude still remembered that night like it was yesterday, not a month ago. She remembered him walking into the restaurant on what was suppose to be their first real date. Then the confusion and pain of watching him telling her he was leaving and that he wasn't coming back. Finally watching him drive away and not understanding what was happening. She felt so empty inside, like when Tommy drove away he took a part of her with him.

"You ready Jude?" came K-West voice over the intercom.

Jude looked at K-West and nodded.

Jude looked down at guitar that Tommy had given to her as a gift. She could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. Taking a deep breath Jude started to play her guitar and before she could realize it her voice was filling up the studio.

_So you want the story of my life_

_well here it is_

_all in black and white for the world to see_

_you want to hear a love story_

_well you better change the channel_

_because all I seem to know is broken hearts_

_Growing up you always believe in fairy tales_

_always wishing they would come true for you_

_but listen up girls hear my story_

_because you need to know that isn't true_

_Stories like mine are what's in the real world_

_You all say you love me and that you want me_

_can you please think of a new game_

_this is getting old you taking over my heart_

_so all I think about is you_

_while I'm awake and in my dream_

_but then something seems to take you away from me_

_Can't you see that I'm falling apart _

_without you by my side_

_you always seemed to make things better_

_always knew how to put me back together_

_but whose going to put my heart back together _

_now that its you that left me behind_

_You walked away and took my heart_

_you never looked back_

_never saw the tears I cried_

_don't you have a heart_

_don't you feel the pain I felt_

_that moment when my whole world fell apart_

_You all say you love me and that you want me_

_can you please think of a new game_

_this is getting old you taking over my heart_

_so all I think about is you_

_while I'm awake and in my dream_

_but then something seems to take you away from me_

_I should have known better then to give you my heart_

_A foolish girl with foolish dreams_

_I thought you and me could finally be_

_finally someone who wouldn't break my heart_

_the joke was on me _

_The pain in my heart won't go away_

_the tears in my eyes are free to fall_

_I'm falling apart and I don't know how to put my life together again_

_Pieces of a broken heart_

_You all say you love me and that you want me_

_can you please think of a new game_

_this is getting old you taking over my heart_

_so all I think about is you_

_while I'm awake and in my dream_

_but then something seems to take you away from me_

_So you want the story of my life_

_well maybe you should find someone else_

_my life is nothing but a story of a foolish girl_

_with foolish dreams of love_

_you'll just laugh at how naive I am_

_so go find some other life story to know_

Jude could feel the tears she was trying to hold back fall down her face. She quickly turned her head away from where Sadie and K-West were sitting to try to hide the fact that she was crying again.

Over the intercom K-West voice filled the studio saying, "That was great Jude, why don't you take five."

Jude just nodded in agreement and quickly used the back of her hand and wiped the tears off her face. She didn't know where this song came from, but last night it just hit her. It had been so long since she had been able to write or even sing, and she was beginning to feel like it had gone with her heart.

Jude turned her head as she heard some one come into the studio.

"Jude you ok?" Sadie asked in a gentle voice. She had known all alone that Tommy would break Jude's heart just like he had broken hers, and she hated seeing her sister so torn up about it no matter how much she said she didn't care about it or him.

"I'm fine Sads, so what did West really think about my song?" Jude said turning to face Sadie and put on the best smile she could.

"He thinks its going to be a hit, I think he's going to send a copy to the radio and announce your plans on starting a third album." Sadie said then asked, "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Shaking her head at her sister's millionth attempt to get her to go out with her. She had been trying to get her to go on a date or go out with her friends since a week after Tommy left her.

"The same, expect tonight there is a House of Carters marathon to keep me entertained for the evening." Jude said thinking about her night in her PJ's and a big bowl of popcorn.

"Nope, not tonight your coming down town with me to a concert. Meeting a couple friends from school." Sadie said with a determined tone in her voice.

"Sadie I don't want to go hang out with YOUR friends." Jude said putting the emphases on the word 'your'. "If I wanted to go out with friends I would go out with my own friends."

"Which you haven't seen or talked to since Tommy left." Sadie pointed out.

"Your point being, I like to be alone right now." Jude said getting angry.

"Jude you have to get over him."

"Why do you think I'm not over him?"

"Did you listen to the song you just sang, it has Tommy's name all over it" Sadie pointed out.

"So what, someone has always been the influence for all the songs that I have written, don't you remember the song I wrote when I was dating Shay and Speed."

"Yeah and that's my point, all of those songs evolve your feelings toward those people, therefore Tommy leaving is effecting you more then you care to let me know."

Jude was getting angry now, Sadie as usual was really getting on her nerves, so angry that she said something that she knew she would regret later, "Fine I will go out with you and your friends tonight."

With a satisfied smirk on her face Sadie said, "Good." Then she headed out of the sound booth and headed back to the front desk.

_Great_ Jude thought to herself, _this is what my temper gets me._

Sighing Jude saw that K-West had come back into the studio and was telling her to take it from the top again.

Jude spent the next half an hour with K-West working on the song, till he told her they were done for the day if she wanted to head home for the night.

Glad to be getting out of there Jude quickly packed up her guitar and headed out of G-Majors and headed to her car.

Putting her guitar in the back seat Jude got behind the wheel and was about to pull away when Sadie ran out of the studio and stopped outside the driver side window. Sighing Jude quickly rolled down her window to find out what she wanted now.

"I'll be home in an hour, we'll be leaving for the concert at eight sharp. We'll be meeting my friends at the door."

The only thing that left Jude's mouth was in a very sarcastic tone, "Can't wait." Then she turned on her car and gunned the engine and left the parking lot and headed home.

Jude pulled into the drive way of her childhood home that her father had bought for her and Sadie. _Probably out of guilt. _Jude thought to herself, not feeling bad at all for thinking that. She may have started being civil to him, mainly because she felt like both her parents had completely abandoned her, with her dad's affaire and then her mother running away with her divorce lawyer.

_How can life get any worse. _Jude thought as she pulled out her keys and let herself into the house and quickly went to the answering machine to see if there were any messages. Sighing in frustration that she was still doing this to herself. But she couldn't help it, she still prayed that Tommy would have called and left her a message explaining everything to her. And as usually she felt the disappointment when she saw zero messages and zero new callers on the phone.

_Fine, what ever. I don't need him._ Jude quickly told herself and almost started to laugh that she was actually standing there lying to herself about her feelings. As usual the tears started to form in her eyes and she knew at any moment they were going to start falling down her face.

Looking at the clock and seeing it was six thirty she realized she should probably get in the shower to look even half way presentable in Sadie's eyes.

_Why did I get myself into this, can't Sadie see I just want to stay home. Why does she have to push me to go out with her friends, their her friends. Before all this stardom hit and the Tommy thing Sadie would never want me to tag along with her and her friends. Why now? Probably some kind of torture for thinking of going on a date with her ex-boyfriend._

Her mind then quickly switched from Sadie to Tommy. Tommy who always made her so mad, and who always knew how to push her buttons. Dating her sister for another thing, she couldn't understand what was going through his mind. All those time he had kissed me and then so quickly took it back as if it didn't mean anything to him. But then there were those perfect moments, when I would get lost in those deep blue eyes of his, when we wrote music together, when we finished the last CD and he asked me out on that date. How can everything be so good one moment and the next feel like the world is crashing down around me.

Trying to shake the thought out of her head Jude quickly went into the bathroom and jumped into the shower. When she was finished she towel dried her hair and changed into her jeans that were full of holes and black t-shirt that said 'Punk Princess' on it. She knew Sadie wouldn't approve of her wardrobe choices which was the main reason for the choice. If Sadie was making her go she was going to at least make her regret that choice so she would leave her alone from here on out.

Jude got the exact reaction from Sadie as she had predicted when she had walked in the door and saw Jude, who was now sitting on the couch watching tv.

"Please tell me you are not planning on wearing that out tonight."

"What's wrong with it, you said we are going to a concert, this is what I wear to my concerts."

"Its not that kind of concert." Sadie pointed out.

"So what kind of concert is it, who is it we are seeing anyways?"

"Just a band that's from the university. They are playing at a club downtown." Sadie said.

"Well I don't plan on changing so if you disapprove that much you'll just have to go along without me."

Figuring that is what Jude was planning all alone, Sadie taking a deep breath to keep fighting with Jude, especially because she knew if she started to fight there would be no hope at all of getting her out of the house tonight, so she simply said, "You look fine. We're leaving as soon as I get showered and changed."

Jude not taking her eyes off the tv, a little annoyed that her plan had backfired just mumbled an 'ok'. Sadie then quickly headed upstairs to get ready.

Jude quickly brought her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on them wondering how she got herself her. Also falling for the wrong guy, always putting to much faith in the one that she had thought had changed. Why does she always seem to put herself in the same situation over and over again. She slid her chin off her knees till her forehead was now the thing resting on her head, and she tried to take deep breaths as she felt her chest tightening up yet again threatening to let tears start spilling down her face.

Jude didn't realize how long she stayed like that fighting of the threatening tears of hers while trying to avoid the panic attack she knew was going to come if she didn't catch her breath soon, but just as quickly as Sadie had disappeared to go get ready, she was back downstairs applying another layer of lip gloss to her lips.

Jude took one final deep breath and quickly lifted her head before Sadie started asking her if she was ok. She knew playing the 'I don't feel good' card wasn't going to get her out of tonight so she might as well suck it up and get tonight over with.

"Lets get this over and done with." Jude said in an extremely annoyed voice as she grabbed her jacket of the back of the chair.

"That's the attitude Jude." Sadie said with her voice dripping of sarcasm, then added, "Can you try to adjust the attitude while you are with my friends."

"Hey if I'm coming your getting me and attitude in one, so deal or I'm staying right there on the couch."

"What ever, lets go, if your going to be a bitch all night we might as well not be late as well." Sadie said grabbing her car keys.

"I'm driving." Jude said pulling out the keys to her own car.

"I don't think so, you just want to take your car so you can slip out at the first opportune moment."

"How well you think you know me. Fine we'll take your car." Jude said and mumbled under her breath, "I'll just catch a cab at an opportune moment."

Hearing her Sadie asked, "What was that?"

"Nothing." Jude said rolling her eyes then headed out of the door not waiting for Sadie to say anything further.

The drive to the club was a fairly silent one seeing both sisters were trying to avoid a fight that they knew would start by any conversation that they would bring up. Sadie really wanted to talk to Jude about the whole Tommy thing, but she knew that wasn't even a subject that Jude even wanted to discuss, especially with her. Jude on the other hand just wanted to pick a fight with Sadie to get out of this whole night.

When they finally got to the club Sadie jumped out of the car and ran up to her friends giving them all hugs before turning around to make sure Jude was still behind her, which she was, knowing if she was planning on sneaking away this was not that moment.

Looking at her friends she said, "Guys you remember my sister Jude."

The girl who name was Ashley said, "How could we not remember the Instant Star Jude Harrison."

"Yeah she is like totally famous." the other girl named Katie said.

"I can't believe we are hanging out with a celebrity." gushed the last girl of the group, Jennie.

Knowing how much Sadie hated all the attention that Jude got when she first became the Instant Star, especially when the attention at home turned from Sadie to herself, Jude decided to milk this a bit just to get on Sadie's nerves and make her regret ever inviting her.

"Well you know I decided to do Sadie a favor by tagging along. I even gave up a night hanging out with the rest of the bands that are at G-Major just to please Sadie."

"Wow aren't you just the sweetest sister in the world." Jenny said.

"I can't believe you gave up a night of hanging out with rock stars just for us." Ashley said in complete delight.

"We are so lucky." Katie said with the biggest smile on her face.

Jude turned to Sadie and wrapped her arm around her shoulder and sent her the biggest smirk, especially when she noticed how hard Sadie was trying to keep the smile on her face.

"What are sister for." Jude said sweetly.

Sadie quickly said, "We had better get in if we want to get good seats."

They all quickly agreed, and Jude did a mental check mark for herself for putting Sadie in her place, and most likely have her second guess herself on the idea of bring her there tonight.

As the night went on Jude got more and more annoyed, the music, if you could call it that, was some form of rock blues spiritual mix, not her kind of thing. Sadie as Jude had figured had pretty much ignored her so Jude took to sitting at the bar drinking nothing but cokes due to her last drinking experience.

Just then a guy took a seat on the stool beside her and said, "Is this stool taken?"

Glancing over at him, Jude said, "No."

Smiling over at Jude he said, "Names Justin, you are?"

Remembering last time she met someone at the bar Jude said, "Leaving."

Getting off the stool and figuring Sadie would figure it out if she left, Jude headed to the front door when the guy from the bar caught up to her and gently grabbed her arm and said, "Was it something that I said?"

Annoyed that this guy had decided to follow her, Jude said, "No, I was leaving, no more then that. Now if you don't mind letting me go, I was just leaving."

"I can give you a drive." Justin offered.

"Hasn't your mother ever told you not to get into cars with strangers." Jude said.

"But I've told you my name, which means we aren't complete strangers. Now if you would prefer to come get a coffee with me, right across the street maybe we can get to know each other better." Justin offered.

Jude hesitated at first, he was kind of cute, and there was no harm in a cup of coffee.

"Names Jude."

Smiling, Justin said, "Nice to meet you Jude."

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**AN: I OWN THE SONG SO PLEASE ASK IF YOU WANT TO USE IT! HOPE YOU ENJOYED! MORE TO COME SOON!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I GOT THE SECOND CHAPTER UP QUICK, IN THE PROCESS OF MOVING OUT WEST SO MY UPDATES WILL BE SPACED OUT BUT WHEN I DO IT WILL BE A COUPLE CHAPTERS AT A TIME. THE SONG IS MINE SO PLEASE DO NOT USE. AS ALWAYS REVIEW, I LOVE PEOPLE'S COMMENTS!**

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CHAPTER TWO

Jude sat down in Darius's office not knowing what to say, not knowing how he was going to react, but things had gone to far and there was no longer denying that there was not a problem. There sitting on Darius's desk were the tabloid's, not that they spelt out doom for her image but spelt doom for her personal life.

_How did I get myself in this situation_ Jude wondered to herself as she studied Darius's face wondering what he was going to say or do to her. _How did I let this get this far, I knew what was happening, why didn't I stop it or get out before it got this far._

"Jude," Darius started but stopped when he saw a tear fall down Jude's face, not liking seeing girls crying Darius quickly handed Jude a Kleenex, which she quickly used to whip the tear off her face. "Why don't you explain to me what is going on?"

"Where do you want me to start?" Jude asked softly that she was sure that Darius hadn't heard her.

However Darius did hear her and noticed that her eyes had not left the front page of the tabloid magazine. "Start at the beginning."

So I started... just the memories of everything hurt, but I did my best to get everything out. I started from where I met him at the club and then I moved on. I closed my eyes remembering everything and as I started to tell Darius I started to picture the last few weeks.

"OK under normal circumstances I don't think that I ever would have considered dating this guy, but who can really blame me, at least in the beginning. He was so sweet and even though I turned him down about a hundred times he still tried, sending flowers to me at G-Majors and the house and leaving messages. At first these were all so sweet and after Sadie convinced me sitting around forever pinning away for a guy who didn't seem to give me a second thought, seeing he hadn't called me since he disappeared, that I should at least think about moving on with my life." Jude started trying to justify her even considering going out on a date with him, and even now she could remember the feelings of being loved by these small gestures.

"So that is how I ended up on the first date. As a first date goes, it all went well. Justin took me to dinner at a nice restaurant in town and then took me to a little café for coffee and desert. He opened doors for me and wasn't to shy to hold my hand through the whole date. So of course when he asked me for the second date I said yes." Jude felt it necessary to fill in these small details mainly because if she wanted Darius to understand what was going on. He was going to have to know these details, especially because she was sure he was going to ask why she didn't see it coming.

"We dated for close to four months when little things started to change with him. It was almost like he was waiting to gain my trust to let him into my life more completely before he completely changed his colors. That guy that I had first met, the one who was so sweet and such a gentleman seemed to have completely disappeared leaving behind his angry drunk friend." However as Jude told her story she felt no need to include every little detail about their relationship especially the personal stuff.

"I think I became more of a trophy girlfriend then anything else, every time there was a chance that we could get our pictures taken he jumped at the chance and I know he was always bragging to his friends that he was dating me. I figured he was also telling them lies about how far we were in our relationship but I chose to ignore all the rumors, until everything started to fall apart." Jude said starting to feel her emotions starting to take over her.

"It all started one night when we were out at a party, there were drinks going around and I found myself a little left out because I wasn't drinking and didn't know any of Justin's friends. He had gone off somewhere with his friends drinking and left me alone in the kitchen to fend for myself. Normally I would have just gotten up and taken off on my own, but he was the one that had driven to the party and I had no idea where we were, which left calling someone to come get me out.

"After about an hour I decided I was tired of this and went to find Justin in hopes that we could just head back to his place, where I had just started staying at. We hadn't slept together but I enjoyed the closeness it seemed to bring between us. While on the hunt for Justin I found that people where giving me weird looks and I tried to ignore them to the best of my ability. I had no idea if they were looking at me like that because they knew who I was or if it was because I decided against drinking. After searching all the main rooms I started to peer into a couple of the bedrooms, totally regretting it after I saw what was going on in one of the bedrooms. I finally came to the last one and peaked in trying to be inconspicuous and I saw Justin sitting around a table passing along what I presumed was a joint. That actually wasn't what shocked me but it was the girl that was sitting on my boyfriends lap.

"I couldn't help but stand there and just stare at them when finally someone looked up and cleared his throat so the Justin would look up. Seeing me stand there he quickly pushed the girl off his lap and got up from the table and quickly went to where I was standing and grabbed my wrist and dragged me outside." Jude looked down at her wrist remembering the bruise that had been left behind that she quickly dismissed when asked about it as being nothing. But she knew that everyone knew differently.

"He was hurting my wrist so I quickly pulled my hand back from him and he started questioning what I was doing wondering around the house and why I wasn't doing my own thing with the other people in the other room where he had left me. OK, we all know I'm not a person of patience and sometimes I'm not the most understanding so of course I started right back at him about the girl on his lap and what he was doing leaving me alone for over an hour with people who were complete strangers to me. His only come back was that I dealt with strangers all the time and that I should be use to it."

"Well we argued for a little bit and I finally convinced him to take me home. We didn't even get two blocks when I realized that he had drank to much to be driving and that he should pull over and let me drive. OK not the best thing to do, telling someone who was drunk that they are too drunk to be driving, because this set him off. He slammed on the brakes so hard that I slammed my head into the dash in front of me. He told me that if I didn't like his driving that I could walk home. No longer wanting to be in the car with him I got out hoping that would knock some sense into him but he hit the gas, before I even got my door closed, and took off down the road."

"So normally you would think that would end this relationship, and that was my full intentions. Abandoning me in the middle of an unknown part of Toronto is enough to kill any relationship. However he came over to my place the next day and started to apologize that he had gotten drunker then he had intended and was sorry. I gave in, everyone is allowed one mistake so I forgave him." Jude bit her lip and took a deep breath before continuing.

"The next couple dates went ok, but there was something off, he was usually anger about something and was always trying to pick a fight with me. It just so happened the next time he got into a fight with me it was in public and there was a photography there. Once again Jude Harrison is head lines in the tabloids." Jude knew that Darius already knew this part seeing he had seen the tabloids and they had already had a talk about Jude being more careful with her personal business being aired in public for everyone to see, and that it was not good for her image.

"I was getting fed up with the whole relationship, I was tired of the fighting and I was just tired of him. He was always drinking now and always hanging out with his friends, and on the occasion I swore I smelt some other girls perfume on his shirt. So I went over to his place to end it."

"There was the first mistake, I should have ended it over the phone, but I was trying to believe that we were grown ups and that the mature thing to do would be to end it in person. So I went over to his place. Justin had given me a key so I didn't even bother knocking and just walked right into the apartment." Jude once again stopped, and was glad that Darius chose not to say anything, this was the part of the story she knew he was most interested and the part that she didn't want to talk about.

"I knew he was there because I saw his shoes on the mat, but what I also noticed, his shoes where not alone and that there was a pair of women shoes next to his, and they were not my shoes. I would not be caught dead in a pair of wedge wrap sandals. I was determined that I was going to deal with this now, so I walked right down to his bedroom and walked in on him and what ever her name getting dressed. Well I can tell you she was a little shocked to see me walking in and he looked angry by this intrusion.

"He started yelling at me asking me what I was doing here and how I got into his locked apartment. My response was me throwing the key he had given me at his face and that was when all hell broke lose. Me and him started to scream at each other while the other girl looked very nervous being there, almost like a little kid being caught in the cookie jar.

"Well the worse part came when he got right in my face and I start egging him on to hit me, how was I to know that he would actual do it. I just wanted to push his buttons and I wasn't going to back down easily but when his fist first made contact with my face I was shocked. I can never remembered being hit like that in my life. My face automatically started to throb and you would think that first punch would be enough but he threw in a couple more just for the fact.

"By this time the girl had fled the apartment, but not before the paparazzi got there getting pictures of her living my known boyfriends apartment. One of the neighbors must have heard all the screaming and had made a call. Or the paparazzi were following me, wouldn't be the first time.

"So after the last time he hit me I picked myself up off the ground and left, I went quickly before he had time to grab me. He followed me out screaming at me, this all being caught on camera, including the very fresh and already bruising bruises on my face. I ran as quickly as I could, shielding my face to the best of my ability from the flashing cameras and sped off."

Darius figure Jude was finished with her story and that was the end, he didn't know that Jude was leaving out one part of this story that had left her feeling dead inside, and that she prayed would never find out. Darius leaned forward in his chair and folding his hands on top of the desk.

"Was that the only time that he hit you?"

Jude nodded slowly and letting the tears that were building up in her eyes out and she quickly wiped them away. Jude then returned her gaze to the tabloid that showed her leaving Justin's apartment with a swollen lip and what would be a black eye. She thought it was all over, but she would never expect what was going to happen next.

"Has he tried to get a hold of you since then?" Darius asked.

Jude managed a quick nod. In truth he hadn't stopped calling her and was always circling her block, which is why she started staying with Speed and the boys, hoping he wouldn't figure it out. Without explaining much to Sadie, Jude pretty much said that they had broken up and he wasn't taking it well and that she didn't want to see or hear from him. She knew Sadie didn't buy that for a minute considering the bruises Jude had but she wasn't going to push the topic.

"Do you want to go to the cops about this?" Darius asked.

"No, I want it over with, I don't want it anymore. If I go to the cops the press will be everywhere's, I can't deal with that." Jude said then added in a soft voice, "I just can't deal with that."

Darius bit his lip not knowing if what he was going to say was going to help Jude or make things worse for her, but knowing things probably wouldn't get any worse for her, and out of fear of losing his best singer opened his bottom drawer and pulled out a brown envelope.

"Jude I have something to offer you and I want you to know what ever you decide I will support your decision."

Jude looked at Darius kind of confused not knowing what he was talking about.

"I've been talking to Tommy for the last week, and I didn't know what to think about his offer, but now I think that it may be a good choice for you." Darius started and took a pause after the look on Jude's face when he mentioned Tommy.

"What are you talking about?" Jude asked softly, "Is Tommy coming back."

She thought the sounds of Tommy coming back would make her happy but all she felt was a nervous twitched in her stomach and a pang of hurt in her heart.

"No he's not coming back, he still has things to deal with where he is at. He sent you this letter which explains everything." Darius said handing Jude the envelop. "You take your time with this and let me know what you want."

Jude looked down at the envelop in her hands and looked at the familiar handwriting of Tommy. Getting up from the car in the office, Jude slowly walked out clutching the letter to her chest and quietly slipped into Studio A without anyone really noticing her.

Sitting down in Tommy's chair, Jude took a deep breath not knowing what to expect from this letter. He never answered all her calls, what could he possible say in this letter that would explain his absence from her life and the way he left and practically ignored her for the past six months.

Jude sat there for close to forty minutes just staring at the letter in front of her, before she finally flipped it open and ripped up the flap. She flipped it over letting the contents fall on the sound board. It contain another envelop, a letter with Tommy's writing and a CD.

Picking up the letter first Jude opened it up slowly to see Tommy's writing and slowly started to read:

_Dear Jude, _

_I know you must hate me by now, and I can't say I blame you. I've always regretted the way I left you and even more for never answering your calls or returning any of the messages. I do have a reason, none of which I will discuss in this letter, except to say that I am so sorry and that I never meant to hurt you. When I left I was actually thinking I was doing the right thing for a change, but as usual I think I got that very wrong. I have started like a million letters to you, all of which never seemed worded right, or managed to convey what I was really feeling._

_I want you to know you are the only person that has kept me sane and the memories of you are what kept me going, with hopes that we would one day get to stand in the same room again. Mind you, you are probably throwing stuff at me in anger while we are together in that room, but we would still be together._

_The reason for this letter is I want you to come to Montana for a month, until you turn 18, which you will have to return home for your famous Jude Harrison birthday parties (no pun attended). I have already talked to Darius and he seemed hesitant to even give you the option after everything that I have already done to you, and I don't blame him. Then out of no where he called me and told me to write a very convincing note and to give you the option. So here it is, I want you to come to Montana, I promise no alternative motives. You would be coming to work, I have my own studio at my house._

_I will not try to understand what is going on in your life, and Darius has told me nothing, says its not his place to talk to me about you. I know if you choose to come you're sister is probably going to kill me for messing in your life again. Jude I really miss you, and I miss having you a part of my life. Having you a part of my life though is a luxury that I have given up any right to when I left you the way I did._

_With this letter I included a CD with a song I wrote for you, maybe it will help you decide either way. Also I have included a ticket to Montana with an open date return ticket incase you choose to come and you decide it was the worse mistake of your life (which I promise you it won't be).. I don't want you to feel trapped her and that will be your way out._

_Consider it Jude, either way I will respect your decision. I know I have no right to ask to have you back in my life, and if you reject this offer I will never bother you again, I just asking for your understanding. Once here I will explain my quick departure, its just not something I want to discuss to you in letter form. I know you feel like you can't trust me and I will do everything in my power to show you that I can be the one that you trust again._

_No matter what you decide you'll always be my girl!_

_Tommy._

Jude let the letter slide from her hand and she watched it float to the floor. Feeling numb all over Jude reached over and picked up the CD that he had mentioned in the letter and quickly popped it out of the case and quickly slid it into the player.

Soon the studio was filled with the sound of the guitar that Tommy was using to play the music for his song. Next the studio was filled with the haunting sound of Tommy's voice.

_I've written you a letter_

_but you know I'm not good with words_

_they always get messed up in my head_

_and always come out wrong_

_so how do you put down in words_

_exactly how I'm feeling_

_I miss you_

_that's all I'm trying to say_

_how many second chances can you give_

_to a man whose already taken so many_

_please try to understand_

_for once in my life I'm being true_

_and that truly I miss you_

_I know I walked away from you_

_with so many questions unanswered_

_I know I broke you heart _

_leaving you always to wonder_

_where I am and why did I leave_

_how can I explain_

_I miss you _

_that's all I'm trying to say_

_how many second chances can you give_

_to a man whose already taken so many_

_please try to understand _

_for once in my life I'm being true_

_and that I truly miss you_

_Asking for forgiveness is only the start_

_to prove to you I deserve another chance_

_the pain that I caused can not be erased_

_asking all this of you is hard for you to take_

_but in you heart you know _

_the beauty in music speaks from the heart_

_I miss you _

_that's all I'm trying to say_

_how many second chances can you give_

_to a man whose already taken so many_

_please try to understand _

_for once in my life I'm being true_

_and that I truly miss you_

_I miss you_

Jude sat there and let the song play over and over again, not being able to get the words

out of her head. _He misses me. _Jude thought to herself, _If he misses me so much why hasn't he called. Why has he let me go through this all alone, where was he when I needed him._

Jude sat there and closed her eyes tight and tried to take a deep breath when she heard her cell ringing in her pocket. Leaving over she picked up the phone and saw she had a text message.

Jude flipped open the phone and read; _I'll never leave you._

Jude turned the chair she was sitting in and with all her might through her phone across the room and watched as it shattered against the wall.

"And I always thought you threw like a girl." Speed said jokingly standing in the doorway.

Jude turned her head and looked at Speed and started to cry uncontrollably.

Speed hated seeing Jude like this and quickly went over to her side and wrapped his arms around her and just let her cry on shoulder. He knew she was falling apart and there was nothing that anyone was able to do for her. She was shutting them all out, this was the first amount of emotion she had shown all week that she had been staying with them.

After a couple minutes Jude finally pulled away and whispered the name of the person who noone mentioned in front of Jude in months.

"Tommy."

Pulling back and asked a bit confused, "What about Tommy?"

Jude pointed to the letter on the floor and Speed leaned over and picked it up and quickly read it and looked back at Jude, "What are you going to do?"

Speed wanted to be furious at Tommy for once again interrupting Jude's life, but for once he realize that this letter is what brought on the small amount of emotion in Jude. No matter how much him and Tommy never got along, he knew he was the one person who understood Jude completely and as much as he hated to admit it this may be what Jude needed, an escape.

"I don't know." Jude whispered not knowing, her heart was telling her to give Tommy a chance while her mind was telling her it was just another one of his games, he wanted her there for his own reasons, now he misses her and now he wants her to come see him.

"Jude you know me and Quincy aren't what you would consider friends, but Justin is never going to stop looking for you, and he is going to find you, and I'm scared that one of these times you are going to be alone. I think you should take Quincy up on his offer and get away, like he said you have a way out and can come home at anytime."

Jude looked at Speed and said, "Thanks, you are the best kind of friend, you're gonna make a girl very lucky one of these days."

Jude pulled Speed into a hug.

"You know I'll always be here for you." Speed whispered into her ear, "How about I take you home?"

Jude nodded and took Speed's hand and they walked out of the studio, pausing long enough for Jude to tell Darius her decision and then head to Speed's car.

* * *

**AN: I KNOW I DIDN'T GET TO MUCH INTO HER DATING OF JUSTIN BUT ITS ONLY SIGNIFICANT FOR HOW SHE GOT THERE, MORE PARTS OF THEIR DATING WILL COME IN FLASH BACKS. HOPE YOU ENJOYED!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: SORRY FOR SUCH LONG DELAY IN MY UNDATES, LIFE AS BEEN HECTIC, BUT I'M BACK TO WRITING! HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!!**

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN INSTANT STAR, JUST THE STORY LINE. I ALSO DON'T OWN THIS SONG, ITS _SEVENTEEN ISN'T SO SWEET_ BY THE RED JUMPSUITE APPARATUS.**

* * *

CHAPTER THREE

Speed dropped Jude off at home, and had asked if he wanted her to stay but Jude told him to go, that she would be ok and she would call him soon. Making sure the door was locked behind her Jude quickly went upstairs and found her suitcase and opened up her closet and started to pick and chose from the many clothes she had hung up there.

Glancing over at her dresser she slowly slid open the top draw and pulled out a picture of her and Tommy that was taken at the studio one day. It was them carrying around in the sound booth with Jude on Tommy's back. They were both smiling and Jude prayed that one day she could remember what it felt like to be that happy again.

Tossing the picture on top of her suitcase, Jude reached over to her stereo and hit the power button and turned the music up as loud as she could.

_Well she never was the best_

_at following the trend_

_stayed one step above the rest_

_and even though it seemed_

_like the world was crashing on her_

_didn't let it hold her didn't hold her back_

_oh no_

Jude started to rummage through her draws trying to figure out what she was going to need, never been to the states except for the short time on her tour. Looking over to her night stand she saw a picture of her and Justin from one of their dates, knocking the picture into the trash, Jude continued her way through her room.

_Don't worry you'll show them_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn_

_there's a scream in your voice_

_and I hope you will be heard_

_there's in your eyes _

_and I hope you'll let it burn until your heard_

_until your heard_

Stopping suddenly Jude started to wonder what she was doing and why she was so quick

to decide to pack up her life and head to Tommy. Where was he the entire this was happening, it was all over the news for the last couple weeks and in all the tabloids, he must have some idea what's going on, and all she gets is a letter. Sitting down on her bed she closes her eyes and starts to concentrate on the music.

_Seventeen is just a test_

_**Just a test**_ Jude thought to herself, what kind of test is this, one that makes me go completely out of my mind.

_yeah and I would recommend_

_that you live with no regrets_

_and even if it seems_

_**Regrets?**__**Is going to see Tommy something I'm going to regret or is it something if I don't do I will regret. Why can't their just be something sitting right in front of me telling me the answer**_ Jude said dropping her head into to her hands.

_like the world is crushing on you_

_you shouldn't let it hold you back_

_oh no_

_oh no_

_**Who are they to sing about the world crushing down, do they have any idea what it really feels like... do they know that I can't breathe, and they are telling me that I should keep going like nothing is happening.**_Jude said starting to argue with the lyrics of the song in her head

_don't worry you'll show them_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn _

_there's a scream in your voice_

_and I hope you will be heard_

_there a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn until your heard_

_until your heard_

_**Show them what... that I run away when things get tough**_Jude thought, but then turned her mind to what she was running away from, _**Can anyone blame me for running away, no one in their right mind would stick around and see what he has planned.**_

_relax girl_

_**Relax, easy for them to say, go in my head for a minute and you'll be anything but relaxed**_

_turn down the lights _

_no one can see you shining_

_**No one can see him hurting you either**__**All alone in the dark...**_

_relax girl_

_it'll be all right_

_no one can stop you if you try_

_**Relax, I can't relax, not when every time I close my eyes I see him... not when I'm scared to walk alone because he is following me, afraid that I'll turn around and he'll be right there.**_

_point of rhythm is the fall await in time_

_to listen to the beating in your mind_

_and if you seek you shall find_

_woah oh_

_**Question is what am I planning on finding if I go to Tommy, more heartbreak, Tommy and my heart breaking seem to go hand in hand. But can he hurt me anymore then I've already been.**_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn_

_there's a scream in your voice_

_and I hope you will be heard_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn until your heard_

_**There may have been a fire in my eyes... he took that away... they both took that away. Maybe I need to go find it. **_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn_

_there's a scream in your voice_

_and I hope you will be heard_

_there's a fire in your eyes_

_and I hope you'll let it burn until your heard_

"Tommy." Jude mumbled into her hands when the song come to an end, and was about to get up off the floor when Sadie came through the bedroom door with a look of disbelief written all over her face.

"I can't believe you are actually considering going to him!" Sadie exclaimed, "Tommy asks you to forgive him and you go running to him."

"Sadie, don't." Jude said picking up the stereo remote off the floor and turned the stereo off.

"Don't you understand what he's done to you, you were completely unconsolable when he left, now you are putting yourself right back there again." Sadie not understanding what tie Tommy had on her sister.

"And what do you want me to do, stay here and always have to watch my back. I don't think so Sadie, Tommy may be a lot of things, but he has never hurt me like that." Jude said, then whispered, "I need to get away. This is my escape."

Sadie hearing every word said, "If you need an escape we can go to the family ranch, or go somewhere's, anywhere's that isn't with Quincy."

"He'll find me, he'll never think of Tommy, nor would he ever be able to find me and him." Jude said going over to her dresser and started to pull more clothes out and tossing them on top of her suit case not even bothering to fold them. "Sadie don't even pretend that you know what's going on in my life, the worse thing that happens in your life is you break a nail."

Sadie angrily turned to leave Jude's bedroom but before she left she turned and said, "Fine this is your life do what ever you want, but don't you dare come crying to me when Tommy breaks your heart again."

With that Sadie walks out of Jude's room, slamming the door behind her.

Digging through her suitcase until she found the picture of her and Tommy, Jude hugged it too her chest and whispered, "Please don't let this be a mistake."


End file.
